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Deep Thoughts

The TV image of an audience laughing fades to a serene ocean view. The calm, soothing, almost liquid voice of Phil Hartman gently announces,

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”

And so began one of the strangest bits of Saturday Night Live that served as a segue between the live sketches during the 1991-1998 season. What followed the lulling introduction was a brief thought from American Humorist, Jack Handey, voiced by the man himself.

They were really weird.

Here are some samples.

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” (1)

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.” (2)

And “To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, ‘Hey, can you give me a hand?,’ you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks.’” (3)

I’m pretty sure some of you just read this and thought, “What kind of brain comes up with stuff like that?”

I know my friend, Sabrina would just say, “That’s dumb!” while me and her husband, Dale, would be rolling on the floor in spasms of laughter.

I have great friends!

Anyway, I kind of understand where Mr. Handey is coming from. There are times when I’m in a mood (or not) and I’m doing a Bible study or just cruisin’ through my day (or ranting on Facebook), and strange or unexpected thoughts erupt from the depths of my brain.

There are days I think I should be tested.

Anyway, some of the thoughts are spiritual. Some are political. Some are angry. Some are funny (at least to me and Dale, Sabrina!). And some are just random ideas that just abruptly pop in from nowhere.

I thought I would start a series of articles comprised of some of these brief musings for your reflection.

Since this is the Frothy Thoughts Blog by me, the Truth Barista of The Truth Barista Podcast, I thought I would title these:

Espresso Shots from your Truth Barista

· God does not polish sin.

· Jesus has already fact-checked the world. The world just won’t listen.

· The Solomon Divide. It was Solomon's godly wisdom that kept a baby from being divided (1 Kings 3). It was his human foolishness that divided his kingdom (1 Kings 11:11-13). If we listen, God's wisdom will preserve our nation. But human foolishness will lead to its division.

· With less of God's control and self-control, the more humanity gets out of control.

· As long as we're screaming about abolishing things, let’s abolish evil. Learn and live God's way.

· Hurt and broken people are like bruised bananas. To savor their sweetness, you have to work around the bruises.

· I'm not a racist, I'm a characterist. I discriminate based on good or bad character.

· Condemnation is a "condamnation." Con - "with." Damnation = "everlasting punishment." The enemy tells us we’re trapped under God's punishment. But God's conviction shows us the way out.

· A recent article claimed Jesus was nonbinary-gender fluid (“Why I believe in a non-binary Jesus – ‘His gender-fluidity brings me closer to God as a queer Catholic’” by Jeremiah Bartram, October 16, 2019). I reject that because Jesus himself said, “’Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female’” (Matthew 19:4). His point is clear and irrefutable. There are only two genders. All attempts to stretch gender to mean something other than reflecting God’s designed biology is a purposeful theological error (read lie and distortion, as in “Did God really say?” [Genesis 3:1]). Since Jesus is God, then He would never have made that error as everything was made by, through, and for Him (Colossians 1:16). To say that Jesus was nonbinary, gender-fluid is simply a foolish and ignorant man re-making God in his image.

· Isn't it ironic that many of the same people who claim the right to self-identify, claim the right to identify you or deny your right to self-identify? (See accusations of “white supremacist” and “systemic racist” or a binary gender.)

· When I listen to many politicians speak, I'm reminded of my homiletics teacher mocking bad preachers, “Weak point, pound pulpit harder!”

· The essence of prophecy is hearing. Accurate prophets hear accurately, but no prophet hears perfectly.

· For those who are upset about getting kicked off the internet, God didn't say we're to stay online, but to stay faithful.

· Yup. I am a human supremacist. God said so. No apologies.

· I’m glad the mask mandate has been lifted. It was hard to drink coffee. Tasted like it was filtered twice. No me gusta.

· Delicious pizza made with a cauliflower crust! What manner of sorcery is this?

Random, huh?

I’d like to hear what you think of this “feature.” More? Much more? No more? (Sabrina, put your hand down!)

Email me at and lemme know!

(1) (Handey, Jack (1992). Deep Thoughts. Berkley Publishing Group. ISBN 978-0425133651.)

(3) Ibid.

Pastor Jay Christianson

The Truth Barista, Frothy Thoughts


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